Posted: May 21, 2010

What's the worst thing that can happen to you on a business trip? Your laptop crashes just as you're about to give your presentation? Your admin books you into a roach-infested Econo Lodge 80 miles out of town where the free breakfast turns out to be cereal with nondairy creamer? You forget to set your watch to the new time zone and show up late for the big meeting and lose the big account?

Well, probably a combination of all three. But undoubtedly the most frustration for the modern business traveler is caused by the words, "Your flight has been delayed."

There is nothing worse than a delayed flight to make an already unpleasant experience even more miserable. And unlike flying on vacation, when you and your honey can at least get drunk at the airport bar, a delayed flight during a business trip means only one thing: hours of downtime to contemplate your career choice in a dismal airport terminal. Or worse, you may find yourself desperately trying to crank your iPod up to 11 as your sales manager zealously recaps every moment of the big presentation over and over again. (Precisely why companies should think twice before awarding the sales team with Starbucks gift cards.)

Do yourself a favor. If you are a victim of a delayed flight for a reason other than bad weather, take matters into your own hands. Ask if you can be put on the standby list for another flight. If you live in an area with more than one airport, there's a good chance you can be rerouted, sometimes even arriving home before your original flight takes off.

Here are a few tips to help you beat the pack:

• Call the airline before you leave your hotel. You may be able to secure what's known as a same-day standby ticket or confirmed reservation for a $30 to $50 fee. While it's another extra airline fee, this is a far better deal than spending the night in an airport chair.
• If you are already at the airport, instead of standing in line at the ticket counter, call the airline's reservation number from your phone. Many airline phone operators work from home, far removed from the drama of a congested terminal, and will be far more willing to lend a helping hand while munching on bonbons and watching Ellen. Be sure to pre-program the telephone number of every airline into your phone.
• Make absolutely certain to keep your original reservation along with your standby boarding pass. In the event you don't get on the standby flight you don't want to risk losing your original seat.
• Be polite. Seems like common sense, but your chances of finding a ticket agent who wants to help you get home sooner will improve exponentially.

  If this fails and you get really desperate, you can try the less conventional method of a less-practical-but-equally-effective-cover-story to get you on that next flight out. Here's a chance to finally put that "Intro to Acting I" class to use. Center yourself, memorize your lines, then proceed to the counter pretending to be a:

• Bride-to-be. Who in their right mind wouldn't give up their seat to a bride about to miss her own wedding? Helps if you also are carrying the gown and wearing something borrowed, something blue, something old, etc.
• Catholic priest needing to perform exorcism. Make sure to carry a plastic cross. (The metal ones won't make it past security.)
• Organ transport specialist. Carry a small cooler filled with ice and three-quarters of a pound of fresh liver.
• Stunt double for David Hasselhoff. Nobody wants Hasselhoff hanging around the terminal for fear of an impromptu concert. If you resemble The Hof, you'll be shuttled out of any city faster than you can say "red swim trunks."

  There is always a way to get home. The question is, how bad do you want it?

  Jeff Michaels is the author of "Please Hug Me, I've Been Delayed: The Only Guide You'll Ever Need to Survive the Not-So-Friendly Skies." To contact him, visit www.pleasehugmeseries.com.